Giving thanks is not just for Thanksgiving

I am having a rough time right now with certain circumstances. And so what do I do?

“Don’t think so negative”…gosh! If you are the one to mouth off some shallow statement like that, stop, really, that is the most cliche statement one could say to someone going through challenging times. Not nice.

But there are a variety of remedies to getting through struggle and circumstances you have no control over.

I still wonder if all my Facebook friends think I am a “loss” because I got divorced. And for sure “backslidden…” while that could be argued! Nonetheless, it is still messed up. The whole thing is messed up. The fact that people know about it but don’t really know about, the fact that perhaps our family “looked so perfect” online, whatever the case may be, I am certain of one thing. In God’s economy of grace, there is no shortage, and we are told to cling tightly to His goodness and mercy as the only Judge. Of course, there are consequences, and it has cost me, let us not forget, I had a “perfect” life, right.

I think we have become quite narrow-minded and short-sighted because of social media. I think we have lost our class and logic. I think we have lost our humanity. I have had a few people ask me questions over the last four years of healing from all the years of subtracting but in general no real conversation with any Christian I am friends with on Facebook. This could mean one of two things, there is not much they can do about it so they already moved on long ago and it is only a figment of my imagination that they even gave it that much thought, or; two, they have decided on what they want to believe about one or zero sides of the story. And either way, you are short! And I realize, it is ok because FB is not really made up of “friends” – what an irony.

In the last four years, of course much has been learned, and much has remained, as in there is nothing new under the sun. There is no new remedy to loss. And there is no new loss.

Someone once told me that we should only add to another’s life. How easily we can subjectify words and their meanings. But my point here is that I want to add to other’s lives. And when I start subtracting something is lost.

So today I am finding that which is legitimate and worthy of giving thanks to, and most of all because I am still here breathing in the fresh Jamaican breeze. I have been given another day to bless the Lord with all that is within me.

And so, when I go back to what I know, that which is hidden in my heart! The circumstance begins to look a little different and I begin to gain perspective. The situation has not changed just my perspective.

Yet it is all just messed up, I hate that divorce does cause violence! Yet the greatness and beauty of the new space I have created, and the new places and people overshadow the struggle and challenging circumstances that remain and cause me to give thanks! It cost me indeed! But God! But God takes the desert places and makes them fertile again!

So when you are tempted to subtract from another person’s life, reconsider, look for new perspective, give thanks, and surely have all sides to a story before you make any moves.

The decision I made to get a divorce from a person that I committed to loving for life was not difficult. It was clear. There was so much subtraction happening that I could no longer find my way back to what was true. That is what happened if you thought to ask. My truth, my humanity was lost in what we called a marriage! Call it what you want, divorce sucks, but there are times when one has to subtract one last time. I took that risk.

Finally, this post is not to advocate divorce, rather it is to validate that loving relationships are for adding to one another’s life. Surely there is a time to tear down, but we know that it is to rebuild, and when I was in marriage counseling thinking we were rebuilding, he was still tearing down by seeking emotional connections with other women. Or whatever he sought.

Instead of that ending being the way I end this post, instead I would like to say that I respect all marriage unions that chose to fight and struggle together because they are building and adding, this is worthy of thanks! After being loved in many different ways through different relationships post divorce, I would not do anything differently. I am thankful for the opportunities to add to others and that others added to me. For this I give thanks!

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